I’ve always loved being on the internet.
The friends I’ve made, the times we’ve shared, etc.
I have so much love for so many people, and that’s not something I want to give up for the world.
Yet, at the same time…
The longer I maintain an internet presence, the more I despise it.
Getting on Tumblr, especially, is prone to set me off — but, other sites are only a mild improvement.
The internet reminds me more and more how wretched our society is, and how badly I want to remove myself from it, in its entirety.
My interest is in keeping up with my friends, seeing how they’re doing, etc. Again, since these are people I love and appreciate the existence of, it is THEM that I am interested in, not he arbitrarily-reblogged things that are so rampant on Tumblr.
And the fact that all I ever do on here is reblog and complain really doesn’t make it any better.
Overall, I guess I dislike how it fosters this universal sense of negativity.
I miss the days where the internet was a source of happiness.
A sanctuary from any stresses going on at home, work, or whatever. You could talk to your friends from around the world, share experiences and interests, and both come away with your days significantly brightened.
What I experience now is so hollow. So empty.
And, granted, I’ve been on a virtual hiatus for the past few years, but even before then the culture was becoming more and more unsavory.
The love is so gone. The community non-existence. Internet isn’t family, anymore — it’s a big bicker-fest between everyone, including those who share the same opinions and views.
Which leads to my current state of consideration.
Barring the external factors involved, I just… don’t know if I WANT to continue wading through the knee-high sewage drain that our internet culture has become.
Because, as much as I love the people I encounter online, and as much as I adore being able to look back and see the past — the fun I’ve had, the progression I’ve made, and the times shared with friends….
I’m just… so tired.
I’m tired of being subjected to examples of the cruelty of others. Tired of worrying if what I do will be good enough for the people I love and admire most. Tired of trying so hard for those who hardly notice, or otherwise care about, my existence at all.
There are so many more things in life than this. So many more enjoyable, productive things.
If the internet was still an enjoyable and productive thing — a place where I could just draw and share and be happy — then perhaps I would feel far more attached to stay.
But, as it currently stands… I just don’t want to keep doing this.
I’m exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and more.
I’m just tired, and I don’t know what else to do.